Things I’ve learnt from failed relationships…

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This post came about in a rather unexpected way.  I was washing the dishes last night and I looked over at the mound of rubbish that needed to be taken out and then at my partner asleep on the couch and then rather surprisingly, I smiled.  In that moment I realized how far I’d come from screaming toddler to able adult.  So I decided I’d share with you some of my relationship revelations.  Oh and the rubbish?   He took it out when he woke up.

 

Don’t sweat the small stuff

We’ve all been there before, your tired and grumpy and then you trip over a pair of his shoes…again.. and suddenly it’s world war three.  No one’s perfect and sometimes the only thing you can do is breathe and let it go.  Is it the shoes that are bothering you or do you just need a good nights sleep?  If those little things are really upsetting you then sit down and have a conversation about it because screaming about tools and shoes makes you look insane.

 

Take Time for yourself

I cannot stress enough how important it is to look after you and have some alone time.  Don’t stop being you when you become a “we”.  Take time to see friends, workout and continue to always try to be the best “you” you can be.  That is why they fell in love with you in the first place.

 

Ask the hard questions

Too many times I didn’t ask the hard questions for fear of hearing something I did not wish to know but if I had had the courage I could have saved myself a lot of time and heart ache.  The hard questions are things like marriage, kids and where they see themselves in five years.  If any of these do not match up with yours then WALK AWAY.  Don’t waste your time hoping they might change, chances are they wont.  I asked my current partner these questions on our first date.  Yes it’s bold but it’s also clever.  On a first date you haven’t invested any energy into them so it’s easier to walk away if they’re not looking for the same thing that you are.

 

Know when to walk away

Sometimes it just isn’t right.  A friend of mine once told me that you know it’s over when the thought of not being together doesn’t upset you.  Yes there are times when you stay and fight but knowing when to let go is just as important.

 

Stop Nagging

Don’t nag, it’s unattractive and never achieves anything.  Communicate what you want and then leave it at that.  If you want him to do the dishes then ask and end the conversation there.  Just because he doesn’t do the dishes the exact second you want it done doesn’t mean it wont get done.  If that doesn’t work then sit down and have a conversation about what you would like from each other.  If you struggle with confrontation then write a letter.

 

If you want a man then stop treating him like a child

He was able to survive before he met you so don’t treat him like a toddler that can’t take care of himself.  If you let go of the reins you’ll be surprised at just how capable he is!

 

Relationship=Team

A relationship is a team effort that both of you need to work on every day.  Both of you need to look after one another and support one another every day for your relationship to survive.

 

Anniversaries

I think anniversaries are important because it reminds us how far we’ve come and how much we care about one another.  We like to celebrate each month, even if it’s just watching movies and eating pizza it’s making a conscious effort to appreciate one another.

 

Don’t look at past relationships as a failure but as practice for the main event and never forget that you deserve the best of everything so never settle for less than fabulous.  If your looking for more relationship advice than I highly recommend reading Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, Expanded Edition: What Men Really Think About Love, Relationships, Intimacy, and Commitment This book is funny and informative and so easy to read that I sat down and read it in one sitting!

 

 

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